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One of the best things about the summer is fruit, but one of the worst is fruit flies. Every year at some point we have to admit that my husband is not just going crazy swatting around his head when he drinks his after-dinner glass of wine. There really is a little flying thing there. This year, I think they came with a batch of beautiful peaches I brought home in mid-june and they never left.

Fruit flies are a nuisance and they are gross. They’re basically just leaving their eggs in your food. So, what to do?

This is a fruit fly trap:

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If they were tea leaves, my reading would include a mysterious mustachioed man coming into your life.

 

For awhile, I had them all around the house wherever the fruit flies hang out. Near the fruit bowl, near the garbage, even in the bathroom.

I would warn other adults that no, they were not old mugs with a little bit of tea in the bottom and tea leaves just waiting to be read after any old person who happened by drank that last  bit of tea.

Because, of course, the kind of guests we have like to drink old tea lying around.

But, I have to be sure they won’t because it is actually a solution of apple cider vinegar and dish soap. And the tea leaves? They are dead fruit flies. Okay, stop gagging now.

So, I heard about this ingenious solution to the fruit fly problem we were having on the good old internet. Lots of advice involved variations on this idea — mostly topping the cup with a funnel shaped piece of plastic wrap with a hole in the center or just covering with plastic wrap and punching holes in it. But, it turns out that the fruit flies here don’t fit into those wholes or are just too dumb to get into the cup. I say dumb because if you just put out the cup with a little bit of Apple Cider Vinegar in the bottom and a little dish soap, they just love it.

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We have a lot of left over apple cider vinegar. But I’m told it has lots of other uses.

(BEGIN FLY FANTASY SEQUENCE)

The flies are all like “Hey guys, can you smell that? I know, I know, those bananas we used to crash on and stuff were fabulous but where are they now?” [I put all the fruit in the fridge, which helped too.]

“Let’s stop hanging out on the bathroom mirror so people think they have really bad blackheads when they look at themselves in the mirror. Let’s go check out that delicious smell!” (flies away)

Later

Distant fly voice

“Oh. My. God. HEAVENLY! This is the real stuff right here! Lemme tell ya. I’m just gonna inch my way down here and yu-u-uu-uuuu-uuuu-mmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyy!!!!”

Later

(Another fly’s voice)

“Have you guys heard from that guy who went to check out the smell? Dude. lets go too. It sounded pretty sweet. Right? Right!?! Who’s with me?”

(Flies exit en masse)

(END FLY FANTASY SEQUENCE)

Well, maybe that’s not exactly how it went down. But I like to think so. And guess what, we don’t even have any tea leaves, I mean fruit flies, bothering us any more. Tea anyone?

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